JOKES! (ahahahahhaaaa!!!) ~eemm... =.=''

shit

There are 3 guys that are stuck on a cliff. God has gave them each one wish, so they can escape the cliff. But god says that in order for them to get their wish they have to run and jump off the cliff. So the first guy gets a running start and then jumps and says " I wish i could be an eagle!" He goes flying. The second guy runs and jumps and wishes to be an airplane, he goes flying. Then finally the last guy goes, he gets a running start and trips," SHIT!"

Please Pass The Mayo

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

Last Request

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed

as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted,

and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give

him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!" 

Firetruck

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little

girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

Two hunters in the woods

There were two hunters in the woods. All of the sudden one of them trips on a tree stump. The other guy bent down and checked what was wrong with him, he saw that he wasn't breathing so he dailed 9-1-1 on his phone,

* Operator-This is 9-1-1 how can I help you?

* Hunter-Yes, my friend tripped over a tree stump.

* Operator-O.K. but make sher if he is died or not.

* after a while she hears a gun shot

* Hunter- O.K. now what .. LOL!