childhood nightmare..

since i was in grade 2 or 3 (not sure..) all my seniors love to insult me and bully me mentally.. i was just a small girl who cannot defend myself.. everytime i passed by their clases, they used to shout "anak PTI!!'' (PTI stands for Pendatang Tanpa Izin.. its not true! my parents are foreigner (from Philippines) that have legal pass staying here! infact, their parents loved and constantly asking favor from my parents.. but why their kids cannot accept me??.......) all i could do is just look down on the floor, and keep walking..trying to ignore them..but as i walk away, i was crying.. (hell! now im crying!!) it all happened every single day.. and every day, i cried.. my bestfriend from 1st grade, POLYNICA used to calm me down.. we cannot do anything to stop it.. everytime i tell my mum she keep telling me "ignore them..just keep studying and show them that u are capable.."at a point,when a boy in my class start a fight with me by calling me illegal student, i cant stand for it and crying in front of my mum as soon i go home and told her that i have enough with it.. then she came to school on the next day and scold that boy in front of other students.. but, he still keep calling me that.. so do with the other student..the seniors,boys and girls.. then when i was in grade 4,theres one day when i was excited to go home, i passed the grade 6 class.. a boy was unintentionally spit on my head..he didn't say sorry, in fact he burst into laugh.. i washed my head with tears and keep wondering why they cannot stop from treating me like a piece of shit... whhaaa!!! im so depressed!! also there's one morning when i still in grade 4, i found a letter on my desk.. it is from two girls in grade 5.. they said i am a slut, illegal student and many more.. they asked me to stop from studying there.. (hell who they think they are??).. suddenly,my bestfriend,.POLYNICA, grab that letter and she determined to reply it for me.. i said nothing as i don't care anymore.. next morning the two girls ambushed me and shout on my face.. i was stunted then the discipline teacher brought us to the office.. the girls accused me for insulting them on the letter (the one that poly replied) i have no idea the content is.. i kept my mouth shut as i don't dare to tell that it was poly who wrote the letter.. my parents told me they were jealous of me cause i used to go up on the stage to receive my award as top student every year.. aaah! thats not the point!! the people in my village started to notice and respect me when i received my PMR result.. i was the first one ever in my village who gained flying colour result in PMR.. i got full A's (7A) .. whaa! my parents was so proud and so do i am.. then when i have finished my study in secondary school, the villagers send their kids to my house for me to teach in math and english.. one of my student is the little brother of the girl that gave me the letter called me slut... later on, i further my study in IPRM as math student.. when i returned to my village on holiday last year, i met all the seniors that gave me nightmares ever since i was just 8 years old..they all working in markets and some of them don't work or study anymore.. the funny thing is, everytime they saw me, they give me the same respond that is pretending like they don't see me.. then i walk right in front of them, looked into their eyes, and when they look at me, i smile at them.. to show that I HAVE WON..

his atmosphere chills me up to the bone..

yeah.. dats the thing.. when we're in love all the things happened become sweet and memorable.. as i do, the first time we met makes me cannot talk much as i used to be.. heheheh!
but, it only takes few minutes before i show my "THORNY HEAD"... hahaha! well, he accept it.. but,thats not the thing i wanted to talk about..
its about our first date.. we were 4..me,him,his dude n my buddie.. (busybody huh?!) at the 1st time he touch my hand and talked softly, it melts me..(aawwwhh~~) .. then later,he holds my hand tightly and rub his finger on my thumb (he love to do that on me)..that moment, i was sooo nervous (plus excited..haha!).. he's the first guy ever done that to me! (well,he's my first BF)..hahaha! even it's simple(just holding hand),but i love that feeling and still can feel it.. the first date was our declaration as LOVER.. (09/09/2010)...